Language

I have recently been exploring the world of obscene Hungarian expressions.

How do I learn these expressions? First, I had a friend tell me a couple of phrases indispensable for those moments of vexation that inevitably come. Learned a couple of other ones from native speakers just dying to tell me about them.

Then one day I stumbled upon a forum with a topic of swearing in different languages, which do you think is the best, etc. One contributor made this amazing comment:

"I swear in Hungarian almost exclusively... our language has the most sophisticated and most amazing swearings of all. A Hungarian could go on swearing for minutes without repeating a single word."

With this, my curiosity was piqued. After following a few links via a web search I found some amazing pages with comprehensive listings compiled by scholars who really put their back into it. And so it is to these great men - soldiers on the advancing frontier of civilization, true men of arts and literature - we dedicate this blog post today.

And what do you want to bet this turns out to the single most popular post I've ever published, goddamn my soul!

Whoa daddy, getting ahead of myself there. OK, so... I'm not going to list the really filthy ones - you'll have to follow one or more of the links to see those. But for those with ambitions to be sophisticated citizens of Hungary, ready for anything, this is a good start.

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Menj a fenébe Go to Hell
Dögölj meg Drop dead
Nyomoronc Loser
Töketlen kis béna pöcs Mr. Small Balls
Ribanc Bitch (some say this is closer to "slut")
Vazze Fuck (not quite as obscene as English counterpart)
Szar Shit
Kurva Szar! Fucking shit!
Seggfej Asshole (lit. "ass-head")
Faszfej Dickhead
Nyald ki a seggem Lick my ass
Ha nekem ilyen fejem lenne, nem hordanám! If I had a head like yours, I wouldn't wear it!
Felkötötted már magad! Come see me after you've hung yourself!
Te másodosztályú geci! You're a sperm from the lower class
Basszon agyon a kénköves istennyila Get fucked to death by lightning with sulphuric stones

SPECIAL MENTION
Fidesz Republican, Neo-Con
Bizony! This is an expression that I personally translate to mean "Fuckin' A!"... but it actually means nothing of the sort. It's not even obscene. This may be reviewed in a future Total Subversion Hungarian post.

One of the first things you learn with Hungarian is that questions are posed not through grammatical construction, but with vocal inflection.

This makes things easy. You don't have to understand actual words to know when someone is asking something - you just wait for the little "Hmmmm?" inflection at the end of a statement, which indicates you need to respond in some way.

But not all exchanges are simple. You have to know how to answer questions correctly to avoid getting dragged into the abyss of the Hungarian language.

Example: You are in a restaurant. A waiter looms up to your table and says something. Obviously he is asking what you want to eat - he has a pad in his hand and is smiling. You tell him you want the Csirkes Paprika. But this waiter, instead of being polite and nodding while he jots down your selection, becomes impertinent and asks you some totally irrelevant question like: "Ez a tál vagy galuskákkal, vagy a rizzsel jön - melyiket szeretnéd jobban?" ("This dish comes with either dumplings or rice - which would you prefer?").

You stare at him dumbly. How dare he ask you anything more? Of course you can't understand him - you only know how to speak Hungarian, not how to hear it. The cheek of these Hungarians - they're so bloody direct!

It is important to understand that Hungarians have a quirky concept of conversational etiquette. Unlike Americans and British, who are only used to hearing the sound of their own voices, Hungarians actually encourage two-sided conversations. This is possibly from their socialist past where everyone was equal and had to treat each other accordingly. So, unlike what you are used to in the USA and UK, in Hungary you will not be able to bark instructions to people as if they are mind-reading subordinates who will do your bidding and always manage to please you out of sheer terror of being fired.

Fortunately with the Total Subversion Method, you have a snappy comeback to any question. Below are some handy answers that will work interchangeably in virtually any situation.

1.) Nem No
      (Hungarians tend to be pessimists, so this works most of the time)
2.) Igen Yes
      (Women need to be careful with this one)
3.) Béres Alexandra Aerobics instructor and pinup celebrity Alexandra Béres
      (Everyone loves Alexandra Béres)
4.) Tessék Pardon?
      (This all-purpose conversation-staller is particularly effective)
5.) Kérek, egy másik sört Another beer, please
      (That's the stuff! Ignore them and just start drinking)
6.) Szabó Gyözö Comic actor Gyözo Szabó
      (He's a bit overexposed now, so this will only work for another year or so)
7.) Talán Maybe
      (Probably the most effective of all)

When employing these answers, be sure to speak with conviction to intimidate the questioner into confused silence. Also avoid any upward lilt of inflection when you reply; to a Hungarian this sounds like another question, and will invariably continue the two-way dialogue you are trying to escape from.

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previous lessons
Total Subversion Hungarian Lesson #1 : Contemporary Expressions
Total Subversion Hungarian Lesson #2 : Non-Words
Total Subversion Hungarian Lesson #3 : New Slang




Continue reading "Total Subversion Hungarian #4 : Answering..." »

Some new additions to the already prodigous Hungarian vocabulary have been submitted for entry into the lexicon by The SF Total Subversion Society.

Rizibizi : General term for the omnipresent punctuation marks of accent symbols and umlauts that decorate so many Hungarian words. Taken from the name of a popular side dish made of peas and rice, as this is what these symbols resemble.


Tesséknő : A type of female clerk found throughout Hungary, usually a middle-aged woman with garishly dyed hair held over from the service industry of the communist era. They are invariably surly and not helpful. So named because of their distinctive way of croaking the all-purpose word "tessék" when a customer advances upon her cash register or ticket window, e.g. Tessék + Nö (woman) = "Tesséknö".


Fukenbasztárdz : This is one of the many appropriations from English that have now entered into popular usage. Refers to police or security force officers, usually of Slovak or Serbian extraction, who work the crowds at international football matches.


Jó Csányi : A send-up of the expression jó csaj, which means, roughly, "Whoa! What a hot babe!" The remark Jó Csányi is used for the opposite purpose, when one wants to call attention to a woman of marked masculine appearance (the word "Csányi" being a nod to famous Hungarian hunk actor Sándor Csányi.) A variation is to use this in reference to a man, in which case the term is intended to be flattering.

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previous lessons
Total Subversion Hungarian Lesson #1 : Contemporary Expressions
Total Subversion Hungarian Lesson #2 : Non-Words

Today we examine the word "dolgock". Please review the following dialogue:



This seems like a simple enough exchange. Except for one fatal flaw - the correct word for "thing" is dolog. "Dolgock" (pronounced "dowl-gotsk") is not a word. Means nothing. You can look all day in your Hungarian-English dictionary and never find it. And it's not street slang either.

But by employing my Total Subversion Hungarian method, we have made it work for us by force of will.

So why is the word dolog mangled in this way? Well, because the pronunciation rules of Hungarian are so exact that in attempting to masterfully pronounce a word you often scramble letters and completely forget the spelling of the word itself - and therefore pronounce it wrong.

However, I've been using the word "dolgock" for a year now and when I do everyone seems to know exactly what I'm talking about.

You see, Hungarian is so complicated that no native speaker will ever claim they he or she knows all the words there are. So if you can pronounce anything at all in Hungarian - even non-words - the result is something that sounds so commanding coming out of the mouth of an ignorant American that no Budapesti dare contest it. If you just get the sound right, the listener may just nod knowingly and say "nem bizony!" (you're not kidding!) or something like that.

More commonly, though, a Hungarian will feel sorry for you speaking a lot of bullshit and just ignore it. Soon following this sort of exchange you will find they have switched to speaking English to avoid the headache of trying to understand you. Which is another way around the problem.

I have been studying Hungarian for a little over two years now and it's pretty difficult. But I've kept at it and now my confidence knows no bounds. I don't understand Hungarian any better - I just have a lot of balls in trying to speak it. I call it the SF Total Subversion Method. This is a learning technique where you try to bend a 3000-year old Uralic language to your whim by sheer force of will.

The phrase that I intend to repurpose this week is "Csokolom" (chok-oh-lahm).

Csokolom means "I kiss you". It's not used as a declaration like announcing your intention to kiss someone; it's just a general expression of affectionate greeting. I first heard it in a movie that was subtitled. I liked it, so I wanted to start saying it. Immediately I ran into trouble with a native speaker.

S: Csokolom!
A: (pained expression) Thank you but we don't use that expression any more. It is old style.
S: But I just saw it in a new movie. This guy was on the phone to his mother and said 'csokolom'.
A: Yes maybe some very young person would say it to their mother but it is not used really.
S: But... but... I want to say it!
A: Why?
S: Because it sounds classy and old-world - and I ooze class.
A: (shaking head) If you say this everyone will think just that you are silly.

We were having this conversation on the M3 Metro. We happened to be sitting opposite a group of teenagers. One of them was a guy about 17, long bangs in his face, wearing stud belt, Chinese Converse knockoffs and a Dickies messenger bag. As we pulled into Lehel Tér station, he stood up, turned to his peeps, made the index-pinky "call me" hand sign and yelled: "Rendben... pusz pusz... CSOKOLOM!" before bolting for the escalators.

S: Hey! Did you see that?
A: What?
S: Don't kid me, you heard him. He said csokolom!
A: What are you talking about?
S: That guy who was sitting right there, looked like he was in Fall Out Boy or some shit, just said csokolom to those chicks sitting next to him. And when he did they lit up like slot machines!
A: Nem, I think you are hearing things.
S: Said csokolom - and "pusz pusz" too, fer crissakes!
A: I can't believe it.
S: You know what I think, I think that I'm getting bad information.
A: Why would I give you bad information?
S: Cause, um... like, I think saying csokolom gets you laid, or something. That's what I think.
A: Well you go up to some girl in Szimpla and say csokolom and see what happens. And I have a good time watching.

I'll research this further. Csokolom!